Some days are harder than others.
This past weekend, we were at a cafe in one of my family's favorite spots on the Frio River, enjoying a breakfast with my parents before we all headed our separate ways. The family sitting right behind us had a tiny little girl in a pink tshirt and little matching baby Crocs. She had two thin pigtails and she was trying her best to reach a wrapped set of silverware across the table.
I sat and watched her, at first just because she was cute and I'd never seen little Crocs that small. But then her daddy picked her up, and snuggled her close. And my throat got tight. I took a hurried sip of coffee and looked away.
One of the worst parts of severe primary vaginismus is the constant reminder that conception and pregnancy are constantly out of reach. Sometimes I look back on the past 2 and a half years, and see only a tiny bit of progress, and I wonder, "Will it be another 2 and a half years?". Will we be able to get pregnant naturally or will we be forced, like many other couples with severe vaginismus, to use alternative methods such as IUI?
Sometimes my desire for a child and my current inability to get pregnant feel like they're drowing me. But I know the Lord is faithful. I know that if He desires me to be a mother, then one way or another I will someday have a tiny, precious baby to hold tightly in my arms.
What are the ways you deal with the desire for a baby and severe vaginismus? Or, if you've already been able to concieve naturally or with the help of fertility treatments, what scriptures or pieces of advice gave you peace during the waiting time?