• Jamie

Praying Through Vaginismus

"For I cried out to Him for help, praising Him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw His unfailing love from me."Psalm 66:17-20




Praying for our sex lives, our bodies and our physical pain can be difficult. The shame so easily overpowers us in those moments of vulnerability and keeps us from asking God to see our struggle. But He listens to those who call out to Him with sincere hearts. I've written this prayer as one that I've had to pray many times. Maybe you're still struggling to verbalize the pain of vaginismus in your time with God. If that is the case, then I hope that you'll read this prayer and be encouraged to take that step. Afterwards, take some time to read through the scriptures I'll list down at the bottom of the page. I hope they bring you to a deeper understanding of how much the Father desires you and your words, pain-filled and unsure though they may be. Your suffering is never too much for His arms to bear.

. . .

Lord,

You've promised in Your word that You do not turn Your eyes away from those who cry out to You in repentance and brokenness. Turn Your ear to me as I cry out to You now, keep Your promises to me. Show mercy to me as I confess the anger and bitterness I've held against You. Cleanse my heart of sin that I've allowed to take deep root. Let mercy and forgiveness wash over me as I kneel before the throne of grace.

Thank you, Father, for the ways in which You have been good to me. Thank You for blessing me with life, and life abundant through Your Son. Thank You for my husband, who loves and walks beside me. Thank You for my marriage, and the abundance of grace You've lavished on us as we've journeyed.

I am hurting, Lord. The pain I feel is so real, and it goes so deep. Sometimes I feel as though my struggle against my body will overtake me, and I won't ever make my way to safety. I feel fractured and alone in my suffering. I desire close and loving intimacy for my marriage, and my heart cannot understand why it's out of reach. My mind wrestles daily with the idea that this is the path You have chosen for me and my husband. Sometimes I sit alone in the darkness and fight against the voices whispering that You are not the good and loving Father You claim to be.

Overpower those voices, Jesus. Help me turn my eyes away from the things that promise me safety and fulfillment. Destroy the sins in my life that have taken the place of the good and pure sexuality You have divinely designed.

Be my rescue God. Be my place of safety when I feel as though I'm being attacked on all sides by anxiety and depression and physical pain. Show me that all Your ways are perfect. You've said that You are a shield to all who look to You; be my shield in this battle I'm fighting.

You say that Your burden is light and easy to bear. Right now, the burdens of vaginismus and hopelessness are a crushing, immobile weight on my shoulders. Lift them, God, lift them as I cry out to You for help. I know You are able and Your hands are swift to save.

Restore the dead and broken pieces of my soul, Father. Breathe life into my bones, just as You did before the prophet Ezekiel. Fill my lungs with Your breath and restore hope to me. Let my exhalations be praise and adoration. Flood my veins with the living water offered to the woman at the well. May Your Word revive me like rain revives the fields.

Fulfill Your purpose for me. Show me the ways in which this fight can mold me into Your image. Give me words of encouragement to speak to other women who struggle alongside me. Create in me a desire to spread Your love and the message of Your faithfulness! Don't let me lose sight of You in the midst of this fight.

You are always with me, God. You are for me. You suffered the ultimate pain so that my soul would not be left to break against the rocks, devoid of purpose and protection. My shame is nailed to the cross. My sin is covered and washed away by the blood of the Lamb. You are my portion. Your grace is my cup overflowing. May my heart yearn for You forever and ever. I pray all of these things in the name of Jesus, my Anchor and my Redeemer. Amen. { Psalm 18:30, Proverbs 18:10, Psalm 17:7-8, Matthew 11:30, 2 Corinthians 1:7, Psalms 55:22, Ezekiel 37:3-6, Psalm 139:9-12, Psalm 57:3-11, Psalm 57:2 & Psalm 57:17.}

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